Granma's anniversary

Is granma's anniversary today... has been 13 years i think but i still can remember her watchful eyes and contented smiles so long ago.

I wish her and granpa well up there, and to look over the family. Many things on my mind and really hope to find some peaceful respite... and answer within myself.

Somehow alot of things had cross my head and i couldn't help but question my abilities. Some things i never had a doubt, but the worst enemy is within myself. Why am i hesitant now? Perhaps i fear giving my all and end up losing a gd fren like what happened before? That was devastating.

I guess now, like many times before, i'm standing again at a closed door, not knowing what lies beyond. If its just about me then i've no worries walking right through even if i fall. But if it means the feelings of someone then i'll not want to cause hurt. All i wanted was for her to be happy, as always each time, and of course the best for her.

Ya, i'll still want her to be happy, so that means i must be too, and be positive as well. I'll want things to turn out well and even if it didn't we'll still be great friends. No clouding of the mind by the past... this is the present, and should be happy living it, for others and for myself.

And yes, i guess i will... :)