where am i???

do i really belong wif arbor frens, or wif parks frens? sometimes i feel i belong to neither, or nowhere. perhaps everyone's too busy now with their own things, or is it just an excuse for feeling this way?

a fren once said, that i'll make more good frens once i begin work, and for once shook off that condemned feeling and believed her. at for the first few weeks it really felt like i've made new frens who wants to make me belong. another said, that often lunch was preferred as a group together, but i must take the initiative sometimes and ask them for lunch. dis i did, but now no one can, and the same frens no longer ask. all too busy i guess. just when i thought i've finally got to someplace to start anew, the old feeling came creeping back.

a fren said that at times i've gotta reach out to others and make myself more accessible. i did, and i probably didn't do enough, but there's only so much i can do. coz they no longer reach for me. and the fren said in that case just let things be. sometimes really feel like leaving to start somewhere again, though since i'm the condemn problem, anywhere's the same. or go overseas again to start a new life by myself? coz everytime i come back, things didn't turn out right. wouldn't know if that's good or bad, jus dunno how long i can last.

arbor or parks? or neither? sometimes it takes alot of heart, trying to keep a smile feeling like a total outsider among friends whom i regard as friends. how far more will i go? dunno, just takin each day as it comes....