another gone in the world today, thru the bus glass window

along Upper Bt Timah rd on a bus today on my way to MacRitchie, passed by the junction of Assumption English Sch. There, was 2 police cars, a lorry, and a body tent beside the lorry.

and i thot to myself... shit. another gone.



and as the bus continued on, passing the church after the school, i looked at it and thought quietly to whoever their god are:

bless the person's soul... the family and frens. bless the person be reborn to a better life, somewhere, sometime... for this ain't no world for the poorly-hearted, the unfriended, and the unloved.



Silence of Solitude.

The joy is gone, the smile lost. Heart beating only to prolong the remains of what the numbed spirit left.

And the rest of the world fades away.. into a blurred silent background, confusion of incomprehensible visions and light, and darkness, into insignificance.

and all is silent...

about my workplace

will get myself killed in my Org. one of these days...

with a boss like that? i don't give a damn. am waiting for that day...



a fren of mine at work i couldn't really understand, and i still dunno if we're jus colleagues or frens. can never figure out how we could never have a proper conversation. i give what i can, but she nvr asks of me, just what have i or could i have given.

doesn't matter anymore. now weary of joining them for anything, most times felt like a piece of glass, non-existant. yup, they'll just keep on chatty among themselves, happy people. my fault too, never had anything to say. guess i don't belong with them.

where am i???

do i really belong wif arbor frens, or wif parks frens? sometimes i feel i belong to neither, or nowhere. perhaps everyone's too busy now with their own things, or is it just an excuse for feeling this way?

a fren once said, that i'll make more good frens once i begin work, and for once shook off that condemned feeling and believed her. at for the first few weeks it really felt like i've made new frens who wants to make me belong. another said, that often lunch was preferred as a group together, but i must take the initiative sometimes and ask them for lunch. dis i did, but now no one can, and the same frens no longer ask. all too busy i guess. just when i thought i've finally got to someplace to start anew, the old feeling came creeping back.

a fren said that at times i've gotta reach out to others and make myself more accessible. i did, and i probably didn't do enough, but there's only so much i can do. coz they no longer reach for me. and the fren said in that case just let things be. sometimes really feel like leaving to start somewhere again, though since i'm the condemn problem, anywhere's the same. or go overseas again to start a new life by myself? coz everytime i come back, things didn't turn out right. wouldn't know if that's good or bad, jus dunno how long i can last.

arbor or parks? or neither? sometimes it takes alot of heart, trying to keep a smile feeling like a total outsider among friends whom i regard as friends. how far more will i go? dunno, just takin each day as it comes....