Life 2

the greatest competition one has is personal limitations, physically and mentally
and my greatest enemy is thyself.

all the fears and frustrations, are borne of own heart and soul, and to have them to thyself is to make do with them, coz who's willing to share?

strength to bear with demons, and will to go on, has to come from knowing i'm on my own, and i'm my only support. and hands and legs are now tired, finally.

destiny i hold in my hands, my life left to fate. lets see how far i can be made to trevass the line before something up there decide its finally time to lay this spent life to rest.



putting in too much overtime at work?

truth is, would rather be with frens... but they have their own frens, own things to do. am jus a lesser fren, jus somebody at workplace, so i'm on my own to fill my own time.

I'm with you

I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I... I'm with you

i'm looking for a place
searching for a face
is anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythigns a mess
and no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
rying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you

oh why is everything so confusing
maybe I'm just out of my mind
yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
i don't know who you are
but I... I'm with you

Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you, I'm with you

Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
I'm with you, I'm with you...

"I'm with you" by Avril Lavigne

crossing the Gates...

... life has not been right for years...

that's what made me strong in mind and body,
but weak in heart and spirit...

i can only think of one other creature that comes close... that's right, a zombie.


thankfully i still have a heart and spirit which a zombie doesn't,
for i can feel hurt and pain... and joy and happiness...

for they remind me that i'm still human...

Chapter 1

Toyu, a sleepy village near the edge of a wood by the lakes, crisp baby wailings were heard and celebrated to a small family. The father, a boat craftsman and occasional ironsmith, held the baby with a quiet pride while the mother, on a bed stained with sweat and blood from the birth, weak from the effort, had her face lit with a smile filled with joy. They named him Kay, after one of his forebears who had gone into legend in the small village in bygone ages.

In the town of Han, a similar scene is taking place. The businessman father excitingly hugging his teacher wife, surrounded by two younger girls, eagerly calling and giggling to each other at the newest addition to the family. They called the baby girl Maia, the same as the wife's well-loved grandmother and had recently passed.

Don't be confused...

A fren of mine from workplace was rather confused by something... and i say, "don't... you're not confused, so don't be too bothered".

there are colleagues who can only remain as colleagues, and some who can and do become great frens, and some colleagues who wished to be frens, and some (though extremely few) who'd rather draw the line at being colleagues.

to those who are surround by great frens, it should not matter that one or two unfamiliar colleagues should remain as just that. to those who had no support from close frens for years, no one to really confide or share time with, every stage of their lives when they build up fragile courage and let go of past baggage to start afresh, it will not be surprising that it mattered, cos every perceived failure to be included makes the person retreats further and strengthen his belief that again, he had hit a brick wall, either to escape from again or that he's better off by himself and not a burden to others.

for my case, i believe, i'm just a colleague to many, if not all. however, because i understand that friendship is something given without expecting anything in return - not sought, i will do what i can as a friend for them and treat them as such, unless it causes unnecessary burden on them (which i'll only know if they tell me straight) - for to me they're my friends no matter how one-sided it is. sometimes, just a little show of kindness will go a very long way for me who had not received much in the past years, although at times i still fall into the trap of thinking kindness means more friendship... and spending much difficulty to get that out of my head.

of course, too long a time not having a friendship circle to interactive with may make a person out of touch and cause misunderstandings with his way of communication, and make things worse when all he's doing is trying to be a friend.

ultimately, what matters most to me are that my friends are happy and well, even if i can only watch from the sidelines... cos when they are happy, i'm happy and glad for them... how i feel inside, even if not able to share the happiness with them, does not matter... cos it had not mattered to most of my friends for years who had come and gone, too many times i've started anew only to find myself back to square one... still, life goes on... and everyone will always remain my friend...

and to this fren of mine, i say: "let not confusion rein nor be too bothered by it... and pls don't lose sleep over it. just be yourself and stay cheerful always. that, i'm sure, will make any well-meaning frens or colleagues happy." (",)

Some sayings

"the ultimate damnation of a living person's soul, is the condemnation he brings upon himself, his inability to stop the progressively self-building of mental stonewall around him, and the open-eyed blindness of his perception in his interaction with the world around him."

psykror7

life lessons so far...

Nature...

the wind across my face made me open my eyes

the tapping rain brought me the sense of touch and coolness

the wetness on the dark brown bark and dark green grasses showed me rich exuberance...

both the drooping flowers and rainbow painted a tapestry of colours, pastel against grey

the running stream jingled crystal-clear to my hearing

sparrows chirpping made me aware of their presence

black-naped orioles flittered yellow across the dancing foliage, song lifting spirits

the earth smelt musty

giving life to both tiny creatures and parasol mushroom caps...

a green whip snake had taught me fright, as much as to itself

the yellow dancing lady orchids that saw it laughed in delight and jest

morning mist the jasmine fields blooms and caressed with her fragrance

as mother delicately plucks them into a gathering cloth

stories of time past and toil, she says, and that one day i too will tell...

of the trees they taught me patience

and the grasses resilience and joy

of the fishes and shrimps a whole new world that stays wetter then raindrops

the drought that desperate thirst for precious water and unrelenting heat

of the snake a certain mysterious sleekness and hidden self

and our cat the feeling of being wanted and sleeping with shedded fur...

tbc...

all those head-bangin

gotta stop bangin against the wall

lettin myself confused by the fog around

have to make sense of all the pieces

and seek out my direction to move forward

... x3

gone in search of my inner peace...


be right back... i think ;)

..... x2

strange feelin... that frens r somehow less friendly then before... haiz.

will history repeat itself yet again? guess i'm not accepted as part of the circle, jus an outsider like it was in times past. well, just take things as it comes... if anything comes at all. my retribution.

hope everyone stays well and happy though, coz it's the shared friendship between them that keeps everyone together.

finally get to watch Princess Mononoke :)


jus need to find some takers for my "Friends" collection..

.......

must be getting abit tired liao, haiz...

shitz... diarrhoea whole day... feels burnt out... time to refuel.


a fren of mine will be goin Sri Lanka 2molo in search of her inner peace. wish her safe journey and to enjoy the trip.

to reach out and offer a hand...

Next to Family and Relationships, Friendships are the most important thing one could not do without. All three are about the same level in importance... one could survive on just one or two of it, though if that one or two are ultimately lost, the person's world would simply be plunged into darkness as if falling thru a bottomless pit.

A person who have close friends willing to be there thru sun and rain, is to be really fortunate. For a person who achieves much in life only to have no one share the joy with is nothing but a hollow shell no matter how resilient. But for a person who enjoys the simple living surrounded by well-meaning friends that think nothing of sharing laughter and tears together is the happiest person in the world. For he who knows not loneliness, knows not emptiness.

To me, these long years have made friendships even more precious. Many a people have said that as one passes through life's stages, the current group of friends tend to change.

I'm really lucky that i've come to know friends at my current stage of life. It may not seem like anything special to most, but for someone who led a forsaken living for years, my new friendships are like a heaven-sent. True friendships are more than i could ever wished for: it was on the trip to Fraser's Hill that, after so many years as far as i could remember, i truly felt that i mattered to my friends... able to share the laughter n tough walks together, thru the sun and rain and finally sit around dinner like we were family. It was a short trip, but one that made me feel i belonged and part of them, which i really missed since sec. sch times. Nothing could ever describe my gratitude and happiness i owed to them. The best i could do is to be all that a good friend could be. And if they do likewise in return, then i am truly blessed.

Of cos, the least i should do is to be happy :) Thanks all.

hmm...

just had dinner with god-sis n her bfren... maybe she's right. i've really have to open up more and let go of the emotional baggage, smile more and try be a happier person.

thankful still have her as someone i can really talk to n get support from. hope she'll find a great job she really likes soon! *bor-pi bor-pi...


*pray pray omitofo :P

psycho lies here......... tired and weary...

broken soul in need of mending
not walled-in by ignorance and neglect, especially from friends

will anyone try, because they care enough and truly believe in me,
feel beyond the mask i wear, and touch gently the scarred face beneath?

am i worth anyone's while to reach into dying flames
and be picked up from the ashes of hurt, of abandonment and self-destruction?

try as i might to break down the walls of silence as quick as i build them
feels getting slower and weaker, as energies and faith drains away from the efforts

courage sought from within, support and understanding yearned from those around, still,
ultimately all i find accompanying the daunting path with me is the friend called loneliness...


"Find the way" by Nakashima Mika, fron Gundam Seed, in english

Why do you, with your small hands,
try to carry all these wounds on your back?
It isn't for any one person's sake, please don't lose sight of that
Why am I, while hesitating,
unable to escape?
What I hope for is the sun, the sun to light the way...

Find the way
Though in this glowing cosmos our hands can't quite reach
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we've traveled we'll find the light
You'll find the way

You said, "I had a long dream...
It was a very sad dream,
but what I saw wasn't one bit clouded..."
I said, "It's okay to cry,
because I'll stay by your side no matter what."
What I wish for is a hand, a hand to reach up to me...

Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As long as we stand our ground in the wind
Even if we're the first ones afflicted with this pain...

Giving an answer surely isn't everything
I'll be patient, it's all right, and so are you...

Find the way
Though in this glowing cosmos our hands can't quite reach
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we've traveled we'll find the light
Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As long as we stand our ground in the wind
At the end of the path we've traveled we finally saw the light...
You'll find the way

someone, sing this song for me... am tired and weary from the journey.......